i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize