i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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