Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
