In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
