i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
