I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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