im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
