Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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