I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
