I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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