Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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