can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
