Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize