You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
