I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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