I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
