what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
