Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
