His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know her cup size but not her name....
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