did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize