'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
