I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
