5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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