I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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