Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
