someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
