my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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