The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
smell my finger.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
