we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
