The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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