I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
