My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
