It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
