Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
