She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
