i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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