I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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