there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
