I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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