super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
