Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
