remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
