i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
