I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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