i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
