I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
