I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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