is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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