Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
