hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
