He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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