My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
