please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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