I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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