he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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