Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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