You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
