I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
