I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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